Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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