I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
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New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
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I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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