Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
i think we sleep fucked last night...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
