Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
