Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
