i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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