im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
