Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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