where am i from again
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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