Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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