so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
