3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
