Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I have peed in a lot of sinks
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize