Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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