how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
