I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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