Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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