I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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