someone get that fucking seahorse.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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