Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
