the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
