that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
