wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
