You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
