hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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