I have demons in me.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
