He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
