I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
