Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
