As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
