I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
