I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
