I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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