I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
