maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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