No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
