Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
