wakey wakey hands off snakey
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
