were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
