did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
