Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I am one with the molecules
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
