At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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