Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
