I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
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