somebody snuck up and got me drunk
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
