Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
