Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
