I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
