well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
