i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
