i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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