Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
