she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
