you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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