She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
time to smoke my breakfast
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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