The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
