After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
