I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
