guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
this boner is exhausting
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
