What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
