I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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