i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
