you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
