How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
