he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I love having hate sex.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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