You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
