thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
