Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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