how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
