I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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