so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
