I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
