So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
