I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
